Too much sleep and not enough Dennis Quaid

I suffer from chronic and constant inconsistency. My tastes change on a daily, sometimes hourly, basis. It’s my curse, or my blessing.

Thickets suck. Don’t get stuck in a thicket lest you learn to agree with me.

When I was a kid, I would eat as much spaghetti as I could stand. Then I’d drink a glass of water, go outside and run around in circles until I puked. After using a lighter to set fire to the vomit pile, I would hide out under the porch, waiting for fairies to show up and save the forest from burning to the ground. The fairies never came. The forest never burned. I never did any of that.

Still, fairies piss me off. ‘cept Tink.

If you believe in fairies, I do believe your thought process pisses me off.

Dreamcatchers hanging on rearview mirrors piss me off, too.

Are you napping while you drive? Well, stop.

Do you sleep in your car? Well, whatever, I guess that does suck. You’re allowed to have a dreamcatcher on your review mirror in that case.

I wish you had a bed, though.

Stick that in your dreamcatcher and dream it.

If you show up with a wolf-howling-at-the-moon t-shirt, I will judge you.

What’s the verdict? That’s for me to know.

Don’t worry, I’m in no position to judge anyone. I owned a Big Johnson t-shirt. Feel free to judge me.

Stick this up your robe and Judge it…

This Saturday = The Zawadas + Metalsome.


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